Feeling This Entry #4

                 

            SO I'M NOT really sure where to begin. So much has happened since my last post; concerts, a death in the family, collaborations with producers. It's been an interesting year; one filled with joy and heartache and a slurry of other emotions. But one thing has pestered me continuously, gnawing at my insides. Loneliness. No, not your standard "loneliness"; I have a great support system of friends and family! No, I'm talking about...being single. It's been super hard to deal with and at times drains the life force out of me. Sometimes, there's moments where all I think about is finding that special someone, whoever he may be. Should I have met them by now? Am I looking hard enough? Am I looking too hard? The sum of these perplexing questions just adds to the anxiety. Faith is the only thing that keeps me together, sometimes barely. The knowing and believing that he'll come and, in fact, WILL be in my life! However, it's been a mental battle of sorts. One side says he'll never come, that I'll just be waiting for the rest of my life. But the other side, the one I CHOOSE to believe in, says: he's already here!

And so I wait.....

Untitled (Feeling This entry #3)

I think my brother is dying. His suffering from respiratory lung failure. He can barely breathe. He has to live off a machine. He coughs like he's literally struggling to breathe and the sound is unbearable. I'm not in the right setting. This place is hurting me. My mom is a stress bomb. Even when my brother was healthy, she just complains and forgets and is super emotional all the time. Not to mention a crazy religious freak.... Not all of that is just multiplied. It's depressing and boring and stressful here.

All of this is making me collapse. Why is this hitting me? Its too much at once. Sometimes I feel like I did something wrong and my life path is responding back. I know it's all in my head. For sure, I will make it through.

Español (Feeling This entry #2)

So I've been trying to learn Spanish, and have been successful. Lately, I've had more conversations with friends in Spanish speaking countries, and have even been able to help people in my community in Spanish! This is all great, however, I feel down for some reason. It's almost like I've hit a road block in my progress. All of a sudden, I feel overwhelmed, and like I'm regressing. As I learn more and more material, I think it's just made me more scatterbrained. All of this is starting to take my motivation away from learning, which I don't want! This language has been fun to learn, and I continue to strive to learn more and more, but I also want to enjoy it and not overwhelm myself. Any suggestions on this? Either way, thanks for listening to my banter. Adios. (Haha 😉)

Feeling This [entry #1]

So I think I'm in love with this dude. By the way yes, I am gay. I have had "dates" in the past, my last one being in high school with a chick (keep in mind this was before I considered myself gay). However, I don't think I've ever truly felt "in love". In fact, I question if being "in love" is even a thing. Some people say you'll know when you're in love. On the flip side, others say that there's no such thing as "falling in love". This frankly has created more confusion within me. The feelings I have for this person are strong. I think about him almost everyday, even if I don't want to. Thoughts of him will just wander into my mind without my control, haha. When I see pictures of him, I feel so weird I can't even explain it. Its almost like my heart melts. I feel awkward and giddy. Ever seen those cartoons where the character is in love and you see those floating hearts around him/her? That's how I feel. Its also important to note that I don't feel or have ever felt like this towards any other person. While I do find him physically attractive, I feel an even deeper connection than that; I want to get to know this person, I want to meet this person, I want an actual conversation with this guy. It's way more than just a physical "lust" so to speak ("lust" is basically just sexual attraction). If anyone would like to share their experience with finding that special someone, I would love your input on this. That's all I got.

Intro

Official Tumblr

       Hey there, my name is Bryan. This is a new blog I'm starting called "Feeling This". Basically, I will be showcasing how I feel to the world; my thoughts, my feelings, my opinions of things, and etc. Hope you guys enjoy this and I'm able to inspire and encourage y'all!


P.S. I will also be posting these on my Tumblr page, which you can find the link to at the top left of this post titled "Official Tumblr".